The Goddess Shows Herself
With
love and care you nurtured my organic soul
Tending
the fertile soil and planting the seeds of your wisdom
From
within the darkness growth came forth
As
your intent strengthened my resolve.
I sat
at your feet drinking in your honeyed words
Listening
with equal care
Letting
them fall like rain onto parched earth
Little
knowing who else would overhear.
I have
a message for you, I know not what it is
The
tree which grew when you reached into me
Brings
a flower to behold
Can
you see its meaning if I draw it for you?
A
voice came through the darkness
Do you
see me, do you know me?
Will
you acknowledge me?
Will
you hold me or do you fear the fire?
Easier
to sense the physicality of the serpent
Believe
in temptation and integrity
Stay
strong and withstand the call
But
she too knew patience and bided her time.
Silently
she moved into position
“Try
out the whole body sensing”, the whisper came
Innocently
I answered the call
Following
a deeper instinct to connect to you in love.
Your
gaze opened me up like a flower in the sun
Like a
bee you came this time to drink my honey
We ate
of the tree of knowledge
Choosing
to fall into each other
Spiralling
together into divine bliss.
Separate
again the distance seemed too vast
Floating
within myself fear took hold
Did I
go too far?
Is his
veil still there, can he yet see her in me?
Retreating
into lonely space aching all the while
Your
scent lingered to taunt me
I
could still see your smile
As we
had acknowledged the pleasure of our union.
Through
that space the answer three times came
My
heart swells fit to burst into a thousand songs
Validated
into being She looks through my eyes into yours
In
doing so becomes part of me as I am part of you.
Snakes and Ladders
What
is it like to be a woman
What
does feminine mean
Passive,
receptive, soft, open.
Respond
to care and nurture
Blossom,
flower, unfold
Take
in, receive, comply.
Listen,
incorporate, digest
Flow
upon flow, wave upon wave
Adapt,
become adept, grow.
Expand,
conceive, produce
Be
solid, put down roots
Draw
in from down below.
In
being fed capable of feeding
Giving
back by opening up
Velvet,
voluminous, voluptuous.
Joined,
floating, dancing,
Active
surrender, choosing
Intending,
meaning, fulfilled.
Separate,
alone, halved
Lost,
vulnerable, needy
Why?
Draw strength.
Return
to self, go deeper still
Find
the well, drink your fill
Empower
yourself by yourself.
Is
that the point, individually
One
and one make two
Two
halves make a whole.
I read
that Shakti has two poles
Prana:
life force, soul
Kundalini:
coiled one, spiritual potential
Whole
but sundered
Until
Kundalini is woken up
To be
reunited with her soul mate, Shiva.
Marriage
of the gods
Knowledge
of authentic self
End of
existential suffering.
Sounds
so simple
Hard
to incorporate
Go
back and start again
Like a
game of reverse snakes and ladders.
Soft and Delicate Resonation
Thicken
your thoughts seek words and meaning
Not in
what they stand in for
Feelings,
felt sense equals being
Within
is where you’ll find the door.
Feel
your head until you lose it,
Spiral
downwards, deeply go
Well
worn paths to inner being
Below
your waistline, breathing slow.
Feel
within the darkness of being
Breathe
in dark substantiality
Feel
and sense the woods and creatures
You
within you, me within me.
Baring
forth the deeper senses
Feel
the wordless inner being
Through
the familiar come new horizons
Different
aspects now to glean.
Outward
boundary now expanding
Become
one now all-seeing eye
Porously
filling up, absorbing
Beyond
myself is where you lie.
Drawing
back with the darkness
Expanding
outwards once again
Within
the light see colours dancing
The
place we meet, now spiralling.
Becoming
one embodied colour
Red,
our natures filled with fire
But
what from out the darkness blossoms
Once
forgotten can hide no more.
Little
knowing, deeply sensing
Old
reactions lie within
Responding
to the light of your gaze
Seeing,
scenting, bodying.
Protective
habit operating
Creates
a barrier, sensing pain
Almost
frozen, seeking action
Conflicting
responses blocking gain.
Slow
to take on board the process
Hoped
for bliss remains a dream
Coiling
back in self protection
Wondering
what my neckache means.
Emotional
pain becomes somatic
Struggle
to focus, find a word
Sadness
felt and clearly showing
Lost
and vulnerable and yet ‘heard’.
You
demonstrate your inner knowing
Guiding
me along the way
Explain
the flower deep within me
Soft
and delicate you say.
That’s
not me I beg to differ
Can’t
go there it leads to pain
Sensuous
is what you tell me
‘Weak’
and ‘vulnerable’ are too lame.
Yet
again deep-sensing resonation
Washes
out and up, throws clear
All
the debris once was hidden
Exposing
defences that were dear.
It
takes its toll to keep things hidden
Free
the senses, go within
Seek
in darkness buried treasure
Release,
begin to grow again.
I’ll
try to heed your words of wisdom
Attempt
to keep my senses pure
To
free my judgements of past actions
Your
healing inner body provides the cure.
Gateaux
What
would it be like to grow up in a world
Where
the value of a dessert was judged
By if
it had a cherry on the top?
To
find yourself, many years later,
In a
foreign land, entertained by the king
His
top chef has prepared for you his speciality
A
gateaux, the like of which you have never seen
The
sponge as light as angel’s wings,
Enveloped
in cream as smooth as silk
Laced
with fruit purée of sun kissed raspberries
Decorated
with swirls of rich, dark chocolate
It
tastes sublime, and dissolves on your tongue
Your
senses reel in delight as your palette sings
The
perfect blend of flavours and texture
A
symphony of tones, it sings you a song
Never
have you tasted anything as exquisite.
So
would you recognise its worth?
Realise
what a gift has been presented to you
Understand
the honour bestowed,
Or
would you complain it has to have a cherry on the top?
Have
you grown enough to see your taste has changed?
Are
you strong enough to disregard the teachings of the past?
Do you
know the true value of finding your own path,
And
making your own decisions?
Can
you recognise the reflection of your own soul?
Or
would you insist on the cherry?
Kali makes Her Presence Known
Seated
within the warm sea of knowledge,
Breathing
out - sinking down
Rising
fluid – breathing in
Awareness
shifting, deepening into the abyss
Seeking
the eye focused towards the dark.
Concentrating
intent, following steps already taken
Eye to
eye, being to being, waves of connection
Feeling
body extending, contracting
To and
fro, within, without – resonating
Sit
back into the fluid, refocus - sink further down.
Eyes
looking out see rapid ripples in facial muscles
Awareness
moves to stand under
Sensing
language - shift to receptive
Allowing
intense waves of silent sound to permeate
Suspending
the need to know, submit to feeling the words.
A
change; waves once crashing begin to lap the shore
The
new sound invites, gentle, caressing, smiling
Gathering
feelings, checking from top to toe,
Whole
sensing body moved to respond, reaching out
Answering
the call, goddess to god; opening to receive.
Two
body’s sitting opposite, legs and eyes in contact
Two
souls - feeling for each other
One
penetrating with intention, the other intending reception
Knowingly
seeking the source of the divine nectar
Spiritually
conjoining our bliss bodies; riding the waves of rapture.
Wave
upon wave of divine bliss, sustained with intensity
The
abode of the soul pulsating, holding, amplifying
The
fire of passion colouring red, burning and creating
The
space in between palpable with generated heat
The
gravity of your force creating the sensation of physical embrace
As I
feel myself fall towards you, inches between our faces
The
scent of your soul pervades my being, fulfilling me
Drawing
me further into your essence as we dance together
Hardly
breathing the air around us; sustained rather by love.
Lost
to time and outer senses, floating in a sea of sensuality
Every
inner fibre of our dream body,
Each
psychic nerve ending, singing
The
melody resounding through our souls as we make music together
Each
feeling tone reforming our inner beings; making us anew.
We
draw back, break contact and begin the return.
Insatiable,
my eyes offer an invitation and you respond in kind
Feeling
bodies once more extended, gently melding, softly enfolding
We
smile at our union, communicating our pleasure in each other
Acknowledging
the bond between our souls, our love blossoms.
So who
was looking through our eyes that day,
Which
aspects of our multi-dimensional beings cavorted freely
As you
reconnected with a deeper self; who was called to respond to you?
If you
are kindly disposed towards me, oh Lord, I entreat you to speak fully.
As I
sat and drank your amrita, after withstanding the display of your force and
voice, was filled and stretched by your power, I now sit at your feet, oh most
beloved Gurudev and devotedly ask:
Was it
Peter or Vidar who sang and drew forth from my depths?
Was it
Ka’ren?? Who responded?
In
relation to you; who am I, what is my name?
Shiva and Shakti
Ever
more growth, never ending expansion,
My
soul awakened by your call.
Joining
together our awareness, combined in exploration
Seeking
deep within our hidden depths,
We
sensed the dark interiority of each other’s soul
Ever
deeper, discovering seeds of potential
Bringing
them into the light of awareness,
Singing
them into being, feeding them with love
Shiva
called Shakti
And
She answered his call.
Given
space in light retreat She came forth and danced,
Bought
pink beaded glass slippers, painted my toe nails to match.
Embodied
by me she grew to fullness, in time with the moon.
Then
in golden sunlight, under a bright blue sky,
Seated
by the glistening, silver sea,
You
encountered my Shakti.
Feeling
her way to your soul, unaided by your intent,
Me
full of awareness; my whole body and yours.
Bringing
the gift of warm sensuality,
Melting
the illusionary boundary of outer bodies,
Connecting
deep within you,
Seeking
Shiva; My Gurudev
You
have taught me very well,
Most
Beloved Master of My Soul,
You
bring me to fullness, time and time again.
Your
penetrating seeds of wisdom,
Found
my fertile inner ground,
Took
root within the dark interior of my being,
Have
been tended and nurtured by your deep interest.
Now
you can reap my harvest.
Our
spirits have danced together in inner and outer space,
We
have been colours together, blended together.
We
have blossomed together in divine bliss.
All
that and yet our journey has only just begun.
How
wonderful is that?
What is this process all about?
What is this process all about?
Stretching and expanding, reshaping and clearing
The power of two joined through our eyes
Touching each other with our souls.
How incredible to reach in so deep
Beyond the self to inner dimensions
Listening to the silent sounds of All That Is
Creative power of awareness, pure and unsullied.
Opening outwards to take the other in
Conjoining, yoking, combining our intent,
Building slowly, searching within, gathering
From the darkness of the inner body.
Standing under ancient wisdoms
With the ability to make them anew,
Development, growth and forward motion,
Waves of knowledge to feed the desert.
I came to you in darkness
You opened me to the light.
Patiently you tutored me, with deep interest called love,
Awoke the sleeping spirits hidden within
Found more than you had bargained for
So much more than I could have conceived.
What an amazing combination, you and I,
Who would suspect what lies beneath,
The force of darkness penetrated by light,
Impregnating my soul womb with your seeds.
Time and again our melding and blending
Bring forth intense tones of divine bliss
Conceiving with sounds in silence
Rapidly growing, gestating and forming.
My labour pains of expansion and contraction,
My birthing partner standing strong,
Ready to deliver the fruits of our journeys
Words and letters formed into gnosis.
Learning together as partners do
As you feed me so I feed you,
Building our strength for future endeavours,
Both knowing the roles we were born to do.
Divine nectar is our food of love,
Nourishing our inner bodies, our souls,
We drink our fill through each other,
Languishing in each others delight.
The black soul womb of Kali,
The bowl of serpent power,
Tapping into erotic passions
Embodying the divine powers of creation.
Making ready to set the world on FIRE.
Kali - an Epic
Understanding the inner meaning of words: Mantra,
Knowledge deepening,
Awareness descending,
Power expanding.
Adopting the usual positions to discover something new,
Eyes closed to connect to inner being,
Opening the windows of the soul to let the other in,
Fully aware of whole sensing bodies.
Come to me Black goddess of the Night,
Fill me with your darkness,
Burn me with your fire,
Set me aflame to reshape myself.
Who am I now?
What am I becoming?
Will I even recognise myself?
Who else will know me?
Only You.
And who are You who sees Me?
Master of My Soul,
What am I to You,
Your Black Magic Woman, embodying Kali?
She knew how to treat men,
Cutting off their hands and heads,
Standing over Shiva to dominate the world,
Withdrawing into the darkness to create anew.
Dancing beneath the stars,
Black night speckled with distant fires,
I Recall and remember the passion,
Feeling the beat of the baseline.
Dance with me Oh goddess of the night,
Fill me with your awareness,
Remind me of your erotic nature,
Unrestrained and pulsating with life,
Full of longing and burning red.
My body was full of rising and descending scales,
Singing wordlessly, playing on your soul,
Seeking, searching, embracing and receiving,
Bow down in reverence and see the love that shines.
For love there is in darkness,
No light without the black.
All consuming flame of passion,
Burning deep and raw within my soul.
What am I to make of all this?
I feel myself changed, transformed.
I eclipse myself, earth blocking out the sun,
No light shines from my surface.
Hands together in worship,
Penetrate my feeling, sensual self,
So deep within my divine dark soul,
The shadow side of bliss no less intense.
Longing; deep and unfulfilled,
Craving, craven, creative creature of the dark,
Bringing heady intoxicating nectar,
Stretching me yet again, making me grow.
Studying my own creation: a Magnolia flower,
Purely white, yet deeply pink, with its dark stem,
I recall your words of longing and patience
Use them to clarify my thoughts and feelings.
The roots of the tree grow deep within,
Drawing life from the darkest soil,
Allowing the elemental gods to bring forth
Such delicately beautiful flowers.
The tree stands alone, complete in its being,
Yet I need you to find my way,
Groping through the darkness, half blind, half knowing,
Following the scent of your soul.
Trusting, always and completely,
Never knowing what shore
I will find myself washed up on,
How battered and bruised I will feel.
Seeking out primordial powers,
Daring to be so bold,
Drawing and drinking the dark amber fluid:
The very elixir of life,
We take these journeys together,
Face to face, but like the tree
Rooted in our own inner being
Creating pathways to the gods.
Into the wordless darkness,
Wading through sensations of erotic pleasure
Trying to maintain an inner ground
Blazing trails for others to follow.
Confusion leads to insight,
Hopes dashed cause growth,
Mistakes the greatest teacher,
To stay aware and connected!
Struggle against unknown currents,
Trying to stay afloat,
Why do I do this to myself?
What inner being drives me?
Questions, questions always questioning myself:
My motives, my abilities and my spiritual strength.
Battling with emotions
Trying not to be swept away.
Reconnect, remember: Whole Body Awareness.
If you play with fire
You risk getting your fingers burnt.
What do We risk medalling with such flames?
Am I burnt or just singed around the edges?
I know I will be back for more,
Moved by a love that could consume me
Allowing these waves to wash me ashore.
In changing I move away from what I know,
Those who I thought I loved don’t understand.
I move towards isolation, fearing being alone.
Can you understand my distress?
I see compassion in your eyes.
But I don’t know Me any more.
All I thought I knew swept away,
Replaced by what?
A power I am yet to control or understand.
Creating space around me, my mouth kept shut,
I feel untouchable, yet long for touch,
Set adrift upon a sea which feels so deep.
The agony and the ecstasy,
Chewed up by Kali and spat out,
Waiting like a phoenix to rise again from the ashes.
Cradled in Her Dark Expansive Womb
Playing on each other’s soul,
Like beautiful string instruments
Sounds ringing through our inner bodies
Perfectly in tune.
With delightful ease we slip
Into our deeper selves, sensing and reaching,
Aware of your soul touching mine
I open like a flower kissed by the sun.
Hard to recall the intricate steps of our dance,
So deep do we spiral down,
Watching changes in facial expression,
Mirroring, holding, amplifying with intent.
Such vastness within and without,
Ever expanding vistas open to the sides,
Spacious souls encompass each other,
Exploring together, how far can we go.
Upwards you indicate and down,
I stretch, feel, in both directions
At the same time moving towards the unknown
Remember sounds and names in darkness.
Was it now or maybe later,
I heard Her name ring through the dark
Calling to Her loyal servants
Cradled in Her dark expansive womb.
You hear me sound Her name
We recognise our roles of worship; Kaula!
See and follow the others expression
Amplifying intensive feelings, revel in bliss
Fully aware of our combined power
Knowledge expressed and clear to see
Smiling our pleasure, enjoying each other,
Plucking cords, strumming gently, sounding deeply.
With intensity of gaze our excitement rises
From deep within the dark interiority
Registering through our breathing,
We scent and sense each other’s soul.
You shift so suddenly I jump and follow
Another dimension, deeper still
You lead me further sinking, descending
I lose myself and with another fill.
My inner voice speaks, silently, another language
Gentle, rocking, soothing sounds,
Among the many now forgotten, your name;
Sh’meyah, all that is recalled.
Did I draw you in through my eyes
Or did I open in response to you?
Whoever began the other followed
I felt your soul expand and penetrate mine.
How could I help myself?
You’re familiar and so very welcome,
Embracing you with all I am
My love expanding, encompassing, enfolding you.
How wonderfully we join together
No resistance, no need for force
Making space for deeper expressions
New aspects shine out through our eyes.
Diving deep in the sea of awareness
Pearls of wisdom gathered forth
Such a joy to take the journey
Touching each other with sweet sensuality.
What power within our eyes,
What intensity of will and gaze,
Passions raging, rising from fathoms below
Contained and relished, a mutual exchange of joy.
Garden of Eden/Seasons of Being
I
write these words from deep with me
From
the darkest depths they rise like trees
Seeded
by you into my dark soul womb
During
our spiritual conjoining, our blissful union.
My
love for you knows no bounds
I can
feel it grow, forever expanding and enriching
Within
your gaze my true being has blossomed
Like a
bud to the sun I opened myself to you.
Deep
inside me I have allowed you to explore
And
you have responded in kind to me
Our
souls yearn to mingle, meld and merge
We
experience such pleasure in being so entwined.
Like a
bubble rising to the surface of my awareness
I
sense my feelings grow from deep within
Longing
to reach into you, to sense and touch you
To
become one as we link the power of our gaze.
Your
being pervades mine, in my dreams I see you
Reliving
the sensual moments spent floating within
Sustaining
eye contact, intense and so intimate
Relishing
the feelings of our inner beings, blissful and divine.
Being
aware of my whole sensing body
I use
it to sense the outside of yours
As
boundaries of self expand we encounter each other
Waves
of sensual pleasure at as we touch with our souls.
When I
first met you I knew I could trust you
Allowing
you to search deep into my eyes
Like
an innocent child with secret knowledge
A
sleeping beauty awoken by her spirit lover’s first kiss.
I had
no idea such joy was possible
Had
almost shut down my bruised and battered heart
But the
warmth of your gaze fell deep within me
Through
the chinks in my armour your light found its way.
I
thought I had soul, but not like this one
Reality
more than I bargained for
Washing
away the old patterns of being
Wave
upon wave washed me ashore.
Like a
tiny seed myself expanded
Swollen
by the fluid and warmth of your love
So
tenderly you nurtured my pains of growing
Always
there, feeding me with words of wisdom.
Taking
pleasure in my emerging awareness
My
blossoming self caused you to grow too
Surprisingly
we fed each other
Finding
divine nectar in dark hidden places.
Like
Nature herself, given the right conditions
The
unexpected finds the space to spring
The
birds of spirit playing their part
Leaving
surprises for us to discover and enjoy
Rapidly
we have moved through seasons of being
The
autumn brought seeds to gather and sow
Harvesting,
planting, more growth, more blossoms
A
veritable Garden of Eden, within, for us to roam.
Like
all committed gardeners our greatest pleasure
To
share the fruits of our labours and bliss
Gathering
and planting our seedlings of knowledge
Gifts
for others to take away and themselves enjoy.
If
they follow your carefully developed steps of wisdom
Perhaps
a forest or meadow to find and explore
No
bounds to expansion as Nature runs rampant
Our
message; free your senses, come follow our lead.
Take
the paths which we have trodden
Expand
your awareness, seek and develop your soul
Treasure
awaits those brave to follow their Gnosis
The
bliss of spiritual union is all of ours to enjoy.
Pain and Serpents
Spiralling
into pain, deep and hidden
Connecting
through my soul but feeling it in my body
Deeper
than I had expected, rendering me in two
Allowing
the experience to fill me and show on my face.
Longing,
unfulfilled, craving, wanting thwarted
The
darkest, deepest bowl of agony
A vast
cavern, dripping walls of blood and gore
The
soul womb of Kali the destroyer.
Seeking
further into the past, centuries of blood and death
Finding
strength somehow lies in the darkness
The power
to create and expand
Intent
fills my eyes as I feel it rise within me.
Do not
give me your pity,
Wipe
any sympathy from your face
I am
strong, invincible, as I feed on the pain
Nourishing
my inner body the response of my soul is to grow.
Feeling
for you with my spirit as it expands into yours
The
bliss of our union intense and resounding
Pulsating
with erotic pleasure as I feel you respond
Recognising
that look on your face, mirroring my own.
We
draw in close and closer still
Our
rapid breath mingles, I feel your warmth on my lips
Revelling
in our rapture, giving and receiving
Our
pleasure mounts as we recognise each other’s passion.
Retreating
slightly, drawing back to take another look
Fall
into the pain, reliving and recalling
Deeper
than before, another level of awareness
You
asked for it so you can have it, feel it, see it.
It
does not consume me, it is you who takes me in
Swallowed
whole within your vast expanse
Loosing
touch with any physical body
My
whole sensing soul enwrapped in your darkness
Sensing
sound rising I silently speak her name: Kali.
Expanding
outwards I follow your lead
All
seeing eye I feel into the surrounding space
Kaula:
Feel behind and upwards, into you and down, deeper down.
Such
depths of being, fathoms of soul space
Spiralling
through sounds and further into the pain
But
the pain is there no longer, vitality is what I find
Moving
beyond the point of other experience.
Completely
blended, melded, as one are we
Pure
power of awareness creating deeper bonds
Tremendous
sensations of bodied soul depths
Waves
of intent boring into each other’s eyes.
Sitting
back to view the other
Then
spiralling, yet deeper still
The
power of Mantra takes us in further
As
your hand moves to the space in between.
I feel
you penetrate my spiritual yoni
Your
intent glowing from your eyes
I open
soul self to receive you
My
whole sensing body welcomes your touch.
Ah,
the waves of rapture begin again
I feel
them rise from deep within
Such
blissful sensations as I fill with your awareness
Pumping,
pulsating, building and mounting.
My
breathing suddenly turns to rapid as my eyes expand
Incredible
sense of erotic pleasure
Wave
upon wave of bliss to ride
Holding
the moment to intensify the feeling.
Amplified
and thus returned
Boring
my intent now into your eyes
Wanting
you to feel what I am feeling
Seeing
your receive my pleasure thrills and excites me.
Sustaining
the bliss we feed each other
Melding,
entwining floating in passion
Our
deep connection of soul and love
As
sounds explode with shock waves of vibration.
Closing
our eyes we stay in touch with feelings
Colours
come dancing before my inner eyes
Yellow,
intense with spiralling patterns, a cosmic display
Serpents
rise before me, entwining and frolicking.
Circles
of light and colour shoot through each other
Multi-coloured,
divine, snakes of power and pleasure
Writhing,
twisting a dance of glee and delight
As
intense violet fills my third eye.
A
wonderful display of blissful movement
An
inner vision from deep within
The
frenetic pace begins to slacken
Rhythmic
coils slowly unwind.
Such
pleasure to watch the joy of their union
Symbolic
enactment of where we had been
Incredible
journeys of conjoining our bliss bodies
Amazingly
sensuous dialogue of our inner beings.
The Path of Truth
What
is there to forgive?
My
emotions blinded me to the truth;
Love
is not greedy!
My
judgment and pain came from the past
An
outdated belief in exclusivity.
You
have taught me better than that!
It is
I who should apologise to you.
Being
your student is no simple path!
I now
see the great reserves of strength required
The
power and resolve to continually die.
Retreating
into the black soul-womb of Kali
Dying
from my perceived wounds
Our
Mother held me, healed me and sent me home, to you.
Finding
resolution I was reborn
Stronger,
yet with infantile vulnerability
Until
I found myself once again, reflected in your eyes.
It was
your unswerving gaze which melted my ice-locked heart
Opening
the doors of my mouth as well as my soul
Allowing
me to trust again, in you, to hear of my pain
Knowing
the strength of our connection.
And
what a powerful message we contain
The
power of love and acceptance
The
ability to stand under a torrent of feeling
Bowed
but not cowered.
Fearless
of the darkness
Knowing
the creativity imminent in destruction
We can
retreat with intent and be reborn.
It was
within the darkness that I began to see
Even
while preparing to sever the umbilical cord,
Which
tied my soul to yours,
Knowing
it was the right thing to do.
I took
back the power
I had
given to you for safe-keeping
You
have tended it well, with love and care
Now I
am afraid of it no more.
I am
touched deep within by your words
This
time in pleasure not in pain
The
waves so strong I struggle to body them
Trans-substantiated
into tears of joy.
What
is there to make up for?
Your
poem is balm enough for healing scars
Battle
scars born with pride
A
brief if fierce skirmish with my Beast.
But
like the Beauty also contained within
I
looked and loved my jealous heart
Transformed
my pain to my own advantage
Returned
to face the truth
To see
with new eyes.
You
acted with impeccability
There
is nothing to hold you to account for;
Love
is the law, love under will
And I
will love you, no matter what you do.
Because
I understand your integrity
Because
I am committed to your path
Because
I chose to walk with you
Into
the darkness and through to the other side.
However
many times I have to make the journey
Because
I know I am never alone,
However
lonely I allow myself to feel
Because
I know the power of love.
The Soul-Spider’s Web of Support
What do I recall?
What dare I remember of our latest union
Rapidly descending into our soul depths
Trying to stay impersonal but loaded with love.
The pleasure and power of connecting with each other
again
As if our time apart awoke a hunger and urgency
The thrill of that familiar look on your face
That knowing recognition reflected in our eyes.
Extending my feeling body to meet yours
Clear intent shinning in your gaze
Or was it what I wanted to see?
Aware as I was of my knees trembling between yours.
Anticipation and expectation, hope and longing
Jostle for position as I sense your whole being with
mine
Opening myself to receive you
Feeling and sensing your love expand within me.
How can I describe what I experienced
In purely spiritual terms
The words which spring to mind full of sexual
reference
Or did I imagine the movement of your hips?
The serpentine writhing of your body, was that real
too?
The sense of you moving your pelvis into a position
As if my legs were open instead of clamped between
yours
Feeling my soul body respond where my outer one was
still.
And I, brazen hussy that I am
Moving in rhythm to accommodate your spirit
Relishing the thrust felt so deep within
Wanting and encouraging you to penetrate the yoni of
my soul.
Feeling and loving every movement, each second
stretched
Bodying the sensations of intense sensuality
Enjoying your face mirroring my response to our
dance of love
The animal expression, wolf-like, predatory and
deeply erotic.
Matching your rhythm and mudra with reciprocal
intent
Contracting the power in my hara to reflect back my
feelings
Holding the movement to intensify the bliss
Quivering with the sensations so powerfully
expressed
Almost panting in pleasure as wave upon wave
explodes within.
Guttural sounds escape your lips
Giving voice to those I feel
Groaning in response, full of love and longing
As I feel myself fill with your awareness.
Wrapping my soul body around you
I feel my being inside you at the same time
Stroking your inner body with mine
Seductively rubbing my spirit against yours.
Arousal felt on so many levels, floating in a sea of
bliss
Swept away to languish in satisfaction
Breathing in the breath of each other
Inhaling the scent of our conjoined souls.
Thus inspired by you I open completely
All centres linked by a black-red yawning cave
Outflowing with a fluidity of feeling awareness,
Gentle yet strong, sensuously soft and enfolding.
Flow upon flow rising up and outwards
Encompassing you and beyond into space
A never ending well surges forth
As my love pores out, my being expands
Keeps on enlarging and sensing all the while, like
an eye, all-seeing.
By this point we had changed position
Sitting back into a different dimension of feeing
So deep within myself and in resonation with you
Almost out of contact range, struggling to focus.
Aware of your arm slowly sweeping up and towards me
Over my head but surrounding me at the same time
I feel the pressure of your thumb on my third eye
The power pushes me back into a web of support
An inward sensation of falling backwards, yet
feeling contained.
Your hands take my head and move it forwards,
Did I imagine you stroking my hair?
With eyes closed a black hole opens before me
I see a column of technological junk disappear
downwards
I experience myself similarly falling, and endless
descent.
Opening my eyes I see you no longer, you’ve gone,
moved away
Yet I keep falling like Alice into wonderland
Sinking deeper still within my own being
Not knowing if it will stop or should I halt myself
I begin the long journey back to my body.
Easy Does It
Four weeks on and the pain is still
pulsating
Manifesting in my womb as it bleeds
Rising from deep within my soul
Will it ever lessen or leave? I sense it
will not
Moving through a cycle of turn and
turnabout
The wheel of potential life and death
Creation and dissolution
My soul cries out in pain, readying for
renewal and growth
My body communicates to me: Pay
attention!
Sitting opposite you I turn my gaze
within
Into the dark space of inner awareness
Down into the depths of my body and soul
Sensing you reach out and touch me with
your spirit
Allowing you access once again to the
pain I contain
Gentle flowing waves of feeling body
Softly stroking, easing your way into me.
And as the searching smoke-like fingers
of your awareness
Explore within and down into the dark
I find myself responding, open my eyes
and link our gaze
Reaching forwards to blend my senses
with yours.
Enfolded and held in the softest
cashmere
A blanket of peace and harmony
Full of sounds of inner silence
As we wrap our souls in and around one
another.
Always new and different are our
encounters
And yet we dance the familiar steps of
our knowing intent
This time is like a slow waltz
As old-time partners we move to the
inner rhythm.
No flimsy embrace, our contact is firm
Strong and intense currents of gaze in
our link
We know the feel of each other’s soul
As we open inward doors to new
dimensions.
Drawing from my contracting uterus
Bodying the waves, the drafts of pain
Sensing a reflection within our
resonation
Not sure where mine ends and yours
begins.
The flow between us as easy as breathing
Slow and natural like a flower unfurls
Delicate shades of tones of awareness
A pure and gentle exchange of our love.
Bathed in your light, warm and glowing
The ripples of our connection flow from
deep within
As the far off shores experience distant
waves
The sands of our beings are lapped in
soothing bliss.
I now know what we are doing to each
other
I feel you draw my Shakti into your
darkness as I draw yours
I sense the lingam of your Shiva fill me
See your expression as I reciprocate,
knowing the pleasure it brings.
Snuggling down into the depths of akula
Into the shared space where we can not
hide
No words exchanged to muddy the waters
Direct knowing and feeling senses do not
deceive.
Here is the peace of truth and my heart
is calmed
My soul is soothed as I fold deeper into
my pain
A feather of free falling descent
That has become a familiar friend to me
Acknowledging the divine soul womb of
Mahakalakali
In reverence and worshipful position of
respect
Moved by the spirit of impersonal love
Filling ourselves and the other with
nectar – ..
I know it is The Mother who moves me
In closing my eyes and asking for vision
I see a vast wall of neatly piled skulls
Empty eye sockets all looking my way.
The cave which links all three centres
This time folds inwards, no out-flowing
today
I slowly collapse into myself
Body sinking, head bowed low.
An endless inner dissolution of knowing
Brings tears of release into my eyes
I hold myself to contain my sobs
Fearing my ability to return
You remind me of my courage.
The Spaces In Between and The Return
A spiritual connection so deep it transcends time
and space
A love so vast it defies accepted parameters
Still too new to categorise
Yet so old it feels as ancient as the world.
Struggling to comprehend the unfathomable
Trying to find words to communicate and understand
In a language too limited to express qualities of
sensation
Is it possible to do justice to these feelings of
ours?
Romantic pigeon holes are just too confining
A unique relationship, available to all
But how many have the ears to hear the depths of
your wisdom
Or minds open enough for the necessary philosophical
awareness?
I have found myself, lost in your depths
Becoming more in touch with my larger being
Sometimes swimming against tides of emotions
Which threaten to sweep me away with their intensity.
Battles with my ego part of the process
Wanting to be special, finding humility is what I
need
Trying to contain the power of divinity
Letting go, dying and allowing rebirth to occur.
Taking the space to discover equilibrium
Grounding myself in everyday life
Relaxing with intent to go with the flow
The way unfolds as The Spirit moves us into position.
Trusting in you and the greater power of the third
Willing submission to take my place by your side
Drawn by a love which threatened to consume me
A bond of souls which even death will not part.
And you, my love, sensed my struggle
Offered support but understood my needs
You must have known I could never leave you
But gave me the space to find out for myself.
I returned to you, though I considered the options
In separation I searched and found inner strength of
my being
Renewed, yet again, more mature and clearer in mind
Seeing with fresh eyes, open to learn all you have
to teach me
Committed to the path I have chosen to follow
Intrigued and willing to explore and then share
You are refinding yourself while I am still in
darkness
My faith; all will be revealed in the fullness of
time
And then, my dear, there is our reconnection!
Both of us changed by our time spent apart
A week can sometimes feel like forever
But nothing can alter what lies in our hearts
Did you see the new look in my eyes?
Did I imagine a sadness in yours?
Did you find me again as we con-joined our bliss
bodies?
Different but fundamentally unchanged, deep inside
And what can I write in regard to our melding?
How can I begin to describe what occurred?
The intercourse of our combined soul bodies
The blissful sensations, so intense and intimate
I think I want to keep this one to myself, for a
while!!!
The Return 2
So
what should I write to describe our re-union?
Spiritual
intercourse, surely ‘making love’ by any other name?
Felt
so intensely on so many levels of awareness
By
whatever we call it, the scent is still sweet.
So we
kept our clothes on and our outer bodies hardly touched
But
you were within me and I was wrapped all around you
Our
souls recognise and know one another
As we
move into different dimensions of being.
The
pleasure I feel is so deep within me
As we
reach out and meld with our whole sensing bodies
I
can’t help the love I feel flowing between us
Confirming
my gnosis of our inner connection.
I felt
myself spiral in and around you
Two
colourful serpents entwining and touching
Glad
to be back with you but on a new level
Feeling
and sensing you with my renewed awareness.
In
came your soul and I welcomed it with open arms
Fully
aware of you pressing on my knee
Awake
to each movement within and without
As you
penetrate my soul body with yours.
Filling
me again and again with your power
Making
me shake, pelvis aquiver, legs trembling
Releasing
control, riding waves of sensation
Eyes
rolled back with the force of our joining.
Feeling
your arms rise up and around me
Embraced
in your love, do you feel my arms around you?
Still
clasping my knees yet holding you with my spirit
A
sense of no-space existing, fully entwined.
Not
sure when, but your hands kept moving
Working
some magic all over my body
I may
as well have been naked
So
intensely did I feel your invisible touch.
Wanting
this aspect of you with a deeply felt passion
A fire
between us, raging within and felt outside
Withdrawing
and returning, again and again
As if
insatiable with spiritual desire.
And
then your hands actually made contact
Opening
my legs, your knees between mine
Initially
unsure I follow my feelings
How
did you read the expression in my eyes?
Were
you testing me by handing me the reigns?
Playing
the part of someone unsure
Gently
I responded to your expression of trepidation
Easing
back my soul body, unthreatening, slowly feeling your fears.
Did my
spirit sooth your worries?
Following
the steps you had taken just before
Drawing
you into my inner being, my soul
Filling
you with my awareness, did I pass the test?
Now so
deep within my inner body
The
details become sketchy of what happened next
Those
words, your Mantra, I could feel intensely
Come
hither, my love, fall into me, expand.
I open
myself to you completely
Further
than ever you have been before
Renewed
strength and faith increase the connection
Lost
and floating in a sea of divine bliss.
So do
I do justice to what happened between us?
My
memory fades, slips from my grasp
I let
it go, no need to hold on so tightly
The
beautiful butterfly of our union flutters away.
It
wasn’t my ego enjoying our pleasure
Our
deeper beings cavorted in bliss
Other
dimensions of awareness is where we have travelled
Creating
new rooms to recall and revisit.
Within
the eternal dark soul-womb of Kali
The
divine light of Shiva shinning so bright.
Crossing the Threshold of Eye-dentity
Sowing
seeds of sound
Drawing
in senses with magnets of Mantra
Transpersonal
selves are called closer
So who
or what then experiences ‘our’ Tantra?
Forming
consonants with Mudra of the mouth
Withholding
speech, hearing within
Feeling
the meanings in the inner body
Transforming
the eyes into transmitters.
Making
space with the egoic I, the outward eye turned in and down
Vision
focused through the inner eye to the not-I
Fluid
identity, transforms when explored this way
Being
fed from the larger soul self.
Soul
body, bliss body, feeling body
This
inner field of awareness
Previously
limited sense of being
Blown
out of all proportion, grows and enlarges.
V as
in Vulnerable, feeling soft and a little afraid,
Virile
and Violent harder to contact
Upwards
sense of a building Volcano
Vitality
Vexes, a Voice of silence
DeVotion
easier, a loVing gaze
M:
sinks down in the body to Motherly eMotion
SH:
like a SHimmering SHhower of rain
WaSHing
over with a gentle sparkle of feeling
Physical
proximity challenges the ego
Loosing
focus, conscious of self
Moving
deeper into the impersonal
Being
drawn down by resonation.
L:
Lethargic, Lost and Lonely,
Reluctant
to connect with Lust
Dangerous
ground sitting so closely
Feels
unsafe to explore that one intensely.
Thinking
it better to leave that dragon sleeping
It
hasn’t been in its cave that long
Prodding
and poking might cause an eruption
Been
burnt already by that one’s fire.
Not
sure the transpersonal element exists here
Or the
ability to cross over from these personal feelings
Strangely
enough the unexpected happens
Feeling
through the sense of the sound, awareness deepens.
How to
describe this natural occurrence
The
sense of being there yet not there
Opening
the door to other dimensions of being
Slipping
down into another state of awareness.
Feelings
and senses flowing forth
Eyes
expanding and intensifying
Holding
the results with whole body awareness
Becoming
all eye, radiating outwards while the gaze looks in.
Ka:
spine held straight, backwards expansion, cavernous
Ra: a
Rising Roar moving forwards and up
I: out
to the sides, into endless vistas
G: the
ringing bell reverberates and spreads in the ear
Whole
body engaged in feeling and being, expanding outwards
Going
beyond self-limiting boundaries of body
Radiating
from within then out to touch another
In
this case you but ‘you’ no longer.
Feeling
one soul with another,
Divine
sensations of inner bliss
Sensuous
connection of feeling bodies
Meeting
and melding with pleasure.
Experience
expands awareness, into the dark soul womb Kali
The
field is fed with feeling tones of silent sound
The
eyes are the key to open the door
The
Windows of the Soul let the light of Shiva shine through.
‘I’ Wasn’t There
Taking
on board your latest teachings
Keen
to see where it will lead
“Feel free
to try out any Kali Mantra,” you said
But
the intention was already in my mind.
Eyes
closed to sink into my deeper being
Ex-hailing
with the ‘H’, halting in between in hallowed ground
Breathing
in with the ‘A’, filling with awareness
Using
OM to go deeper still
Moving
without motion, toward Kali’s dark womb
Meditating
you with the Mantra,
Melting
downwards while melded.
Sensing
and expanding with whole body awareness
Stretching
into the surrounding cavern of consciousness
A
kingly circumference, created with intent
Reaching
realms of royal rivers, roaring,
Rising
and rushing upwards, to crash upon your shore,
Seeing
sideways into spaces, endless vistas
Ringing,
re-sounding, spreading my awareness out
Flowing
through your soul: KRING
Dredging
up memories to recall the experience
As if
all took place at the bottom of a mineshaft
Me,
now at the coal surface, seeking sense within the darkness.
How
far into the 5th dimension did we travel?
Fathoms
below normal functioning,
Or was
it a dream? It feels like it could have been,
It is
one that is keeping me awake tonight.
I
remember sounding Ka, the first seed of Her name,
Strongly
I recall that powerful ‘L’
Starting
to lose all sense of myself, dissolving with you
Luxuriating
in a lagoon of love, floating, languishing
Not
mine for you but something vast, endless and impersonal.
Wispy
impressions of your pelvis
A
mudra movement lining up with my soul body
Aware
yet not really feeling your thrust filling me,
But it
wasn’t me, ‘I’ wasn’t there anymore.
Arms
surrounding my body,
Mine
moving of their own accord,
Spreading
out as my being expanded inwards
Drawn
into your soul and encompassing you at the same time.
Beyond
the usual state of bliss, such deep spiritual union
What
part of my greater soul took over?
Sunk
so deep within you, ‘I’ wasn’t there anymore
Drawn
in so close amazing we didn’t actually touch
But
who needs touch when our souls are so entwined?
Was
there any boundary left to cross?
There
was no me, there was no you,
We
were as one, conjoined, blended, blissfully new.
I
almost seemed to pass through your body
As I
became aware of breathing in your ear
Is
this what it is like when we dream?
It has
a dream like sensuality in my memory
Yet I
never felt so alive, at the time
My
body was upright, but where was ‘I’?
Recollections
of being face to face
Not
seeing you yet aware you were there
Then
my heart beating rapidly, thumping, drumming in my inner ear
What
took place to make it beat so fast, what internal rhythm of being?
How
many times did I go through the mantra,
Was it
three or two or four?
Lost
count, lost memory, lost myself.
You
took hold of the backs of my hands
Turning
palms upwards they felt pressed down
A pose
of worship, at the feet of Our Mother,
But
where was She?
Was it
Her essence filling me so?
Full
of potential, dark and unformed
Everything
was black, blank without shape.
Is
this where you usually go to when we sit opposite each other?
Or was
this somewhere new for you as well?
I
don’t know what to make of the experience
Or the
fragments sifting into my mind
I just
can’t seem to remember, it was as if ‘I’ wasn’t there.
You
drew your hands down over your face
Usually
the signal our journey has come to an end.
I make
an attempt to follow, eyes closed, serpents briefly dance
Still lost
in my inner being I use the vowel ah to raise my awareness
Trying
to lift my consciousness from the depths
Still
sensing you with my feelings
I
realise you are still active and open my eyes
Did
that help me? I don’t think so!
You
hands were moving, or was it just one?
Penetrating
my soul, without even touching my body.
Still
within my deeper self and attached to your soul
Slowly
returning, changed in some wordless way
Coming
back to myself as you getup and leave.
Seeking the Past - The Guru Within
Following our usual steps, sitting face to face
Eyes closed to begin, sinking down into our beings
Connecting with our souls and descending deeper still.
A clear intent shines in my mind
To explore my feelings of love and devotion
To seek myself in relation to who you were and are to me.
Whole body sensed and engaged
Eyes now open but focused within
Allowing my feelings to show on my face
Touching your soul body with mine, we smile as we join
Ah that sweet delicious, sensual bliss of connection,
Resonation takes us still further down, the power of two combined.
Remembering and bodying the emotions I recently recalled
Sitting within the fluid sea of awareness
Seeking a current to float us into the past
Echoes of reactivated aspects reverberating through my soul
Allowing that dimension of being to drift into focus
Capturing and holding the tone of silent sound
Calling on Kali to aid my search, lengthening the ‘l’
Leafing through the memories of our larger souls
Opening the pages to read the story written in time, long ago
Etched so deep in the Beingness of who we truly are.
Really there is no such thing as past or future
Time just a construct to help us get by
All is Now and Now is here for ever more
With access available to those who know how to seek,
That knowledge we have and the power to use it
Through our awareness, our intent, linked together in Tantra.
Using K-R-I-N-G to clear the path
Sweeping the passage way with mantra
Blending myself still deeper into you
A different me, another you, richer aspects of our souls,
Yet so familiar, known before, now recognised for what they are,
My love flows stronger through the fibres of my being
In touch with deeply felt expressions of my devotion
Sending the message through my soul and eyes into yours
Freeing my muscles to express those senses
Opening and expanding all around my circumference
My arms move back as I grow and flow into you
Free-falling to dance in your soul,
Most beloved Guru, Master and Mistress of my soul.
Sensing all you are with my awareness
Hearing sweet sounds ringing in my inner ear
Delightful tones spiralling through my bliss body
As I float towards your outer self,
Luxuriating in the love between us,
Listening with all that I am, light and lithe with grace,
To gentle rhythms, as I drink you in, soak my being in yours.
Arms and wrists moving in time with my sensuous experience
Wrapping around you, fingers lightly strumming the cords
Fluid serpentine flows of feeling stroking the fibres, sensuously
Breathing in your scent, brushing softly against you,
My dance of love, expressing my devotion
Taking in all I can from every angle, absorbing the Absolute.
The wonder of this inner world of experience fills me
Such joy to be blended again, reunited although never truly separate
Words wandering into my thoughts:
I am Sh’mah, I am Sh’mah, Sh’mmmaaaahhhhh
I am connected to Shakti, within the pelvic bowl of Kali’s womb.
The lingam of Shiva sits before me, within me, penetrates my soul
I sit back into my deeper self,
Bowing in worship, hands together as if in prayer
Touching my forehead, lips and heart,
I bow down in reverence to Divine Consciousness
My Lord, my god, my very core of Being.
I feel my body begin to circulate
Head spirals slowly, down, around and up again
Melting within and without
Still absorbed in your divine soul
Profoundly effected by this amazing connection
Sunk deep within my expansive, inner, greater self
Blissfully contented by our contact, sublime and exquisite
Filled with a wondrous warmth of ageless affection
A deeper knowing, gnosis, of why You are My Gurudev
Why I worship who you are
Why I love you with supreme devotion and always will.
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